Last week I had a conversation with a friend about setting boundaries while dating. She mentioned that she was okay with making out as long as their intimacy did not exceed first base. When I told her kissing wasn’t an option for me she was surprised. “Oh my gosh, really? Girl you’re better than me cause I can’t.” Even though I felt good about my decision to refrain from all kinds of intimate interaction her reaction somehow had me questioning if I’m on “team too much”.
If you knew me back in my college days you would have known I loved me some skin on skin action. I loved making out, I was a sucker for snuggling, I was cool with sleeping over, and because I knew I was “bad” I didn’t mind flaunting what I had (sorry mom and dad).
I wasn’t thinking anything about personal standards or how to set boundaries with my partners at the time. However, now that I’m more knowledgeable about my expectations from a personal and biblical standpoint I want to share some of the no go’s when it comes to dating in the future :
- No Premarital Sex ! More than likely premarital sex goes beyond physical pleasure. Have you ever heard of soul ties (the transferring of spirits and energy) ? Considering my personal experience I pray to God that I never fall under the mental and spiritual strongholds I found myself under because of my lack of knowledge.
- No rubbing, kissing, grabbing, or caressing to name a few ! You’d be surprised how these interactions can start a flame that’s hard to put out.
- No sleepovers ! Yeah no, it’s nothing but a set up for a red light special.
- No obscene conversations, comments, or jokes !
- No late night date nights unless accompanied by friends and/or family ! Being surrounded by a group of people gives a sense of security and responsibility. Plus there’s nothing wrong with hanging out before the sun goes down.
- No Sexting ! Please refrain from sharing all inappropriate material that may insinuate sexual hunger and/or frustration.
Call me boring, call me old fashion, call me an alien, call it bewildering I don’t care, but this is the best route for me. I want the moments that should have been held out until marriage to be awakened at their appointed time. But I also want to please the One who created such a secret temple. Yep and that’s God.
The Moments of Truth
No Lie #1: I didn’t learn that my body was the temple of the Holy Spirit until I was 25. Keep in mind I had been sexually involved since the age of 17. It wasn’t until early last year I decided to refrain from all sexual interactions. Isn’t that crazy how irresponsibility and ignorance plays a part in your decision-making ?
No Lie #2: It wasn’t easy undoing what had been done for so many years. After learning the true purpose of living righteously the enemy constantly reminded me that I was unclean and I could never regain purity. Even though I still struggle with those thoughts I have gotten in the habit of reminding myself that I am holy, righteous, redeemed, and free indeed.
What Does the Bible Say?
Alright, here are some scriptures that can be a good start to understanding what our temples should be used for, why it’s important to know what the Bible says and how to move forward (ATTENTION: These scriptures aren’t by any means to condemn anyone nor am I stating that I know it all because I don’t).
1 Corinthians 6:13 says “Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.”
1 Peter 5:8 says ” Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
John 10:10 says “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I (Christ) came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
1 Corinthians 5: 6&7 says “Don’t you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast.”
Hosea 4:6 says “My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge…”
Ephesians 5: 3-7 says ” But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality…No obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking which are out-of-place.”
Mark 10: 6-9 says “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh, so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 says “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified that you should avoid sexual immorality that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable not in passionate lust like heathens who do not know God and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.”
1 Corinthians 6:19&20 says “Know yet not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God and ye are not your own? For ye are brought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” (This verse did it for me).
Although I’m not dating at the time I’m happy to know that I’ve taken some time out to sit, evaluate my past dating practices, and allow the word to shine light on what’s wrong and what’s right. Now when the time comes to starting dating again I can do it the right way.
It’s Okay All is Forgiven. Now Do Better.
Hopefully my personal experiences and scriptural findings brings awareness to the fact that it’s crucial to know that our bodies and associations with others are to reflect purity and self-control. Will you and I get it right all the time? Uh no, but we can strive to be better.
Oh! By the way, I like being on “team too much”.
Love your sister and friend,