God are you there because I am stuck at the intersection of ‘make a U-turn, keep straight, turn right and turn left’ and honestly I’m extremely confused and lost. Can I get some help here? Hello? Hellloo! I know this call didn’t drop. Op, it did. Ugh!
That’s my line of communication with God from time to time. It goes from I can hear you, to can you hear me now, to dead silence. This is not the time or place Lord! I am literally sitting at this intersection in my life that will determine if I’ll sink or swim, live or die, receive my promise or lose it all. I cannot afford to move without You. Hello, can you hear me up there?
His silence at times leaves me playing with the fateful idea of making a hasty decision.
There other times I ponder the thought that maybe, just maybe God is waiting on me to make the move. But every time I attempt to put my foot on the gas I am too afraid to turn the steering wheel on my own.
I don’t want to play a game of Russian roulette by driving down each road to figure out which one is a go. And no I don’t want to make any outbound calls to–the know it alls and “guesstimators”( best word that comes to mind lol)–because they’ll likely to tell me to “follow my heart” or tell me to go with the first direction that comes to mind. Don’t get me wrong there are some who encourage me to pray, but even with that I want to reduce as much noise as possible.
So what do I do?
Like any desperate and mortified traveler who has absolutely no freaking clue where they are, losing service or being hung up on is not okay. So keeping in touch with the travel guide is extremely important as I would like to travel down the correct path and arrive to my destination on time.
There’s no doubt in my mind that God’s with me, but it doesn’t take away the fact that I –at times– feel abandoned, frustrated, and dazed. Sitting in one position for a while leaves me anxious and in need of answers. As a result I find myself praying a little louder and a lot longer. I figure if He isn’t going to speak to me I’ll trouble Him until He answers my question, “I am stuck at this intersection in my life and I’m not sure which direction to go. Which way?”
You may be asking well does it work? Yes my constant poking, praying, crying, and fussing works!
He hears me from His throne and answers my prayers, but before I hear what He has to say I’m already predicting His response.
He will now lead me in the direction I should go. No more waiting, no more delays, but today is the day I will be unstuck. Today I will receive the answers to my prayers. Destiny here I come!
But as I said I can get a little ahead of myself.
“Be still”. Not what I want to hear a lot of the time, but this is His response for the most part. Yep hold on, not yet, wait here, it’s not time.
Ugh fine. But are you sure Lord?
Sometimes I believe that God is mistaken, but He knows what He’s doing and there’s nothing I want to do about that (a hard head is a result of hard lessons I would know). But of course I’m always wrestling with His answer, “Be still”. Though I get antsy, frustrated, and anxious I refuse to move without clarity and His direction.
So as I am still waiting on the answer as to which way to go and when to move—which I’ll share this major decision in a later post–I have learned a few things about God. #1 He’s always listening and speaking even when He’s silent. #2 He’s constantly working on my behalf even when I feel His timing and plans aren’t Erin friendly. And #3 He is so patient, loving, and kind enough to put up with me despite my lack of patience and understanding.
As challenging as it is to be still I wouldn’t want to make a move that could jeopardize everything God has predestined for me to receive. So remaining still I will be.